This is how the worst Friday of my life started…
Subject: The Dick
Mr. Calvetti is as ornery as ever today.
He scolded me for taking a message from a woman who asked me to pass along this to him – “your lips are the purest form of pleasure this side of the Mississippi!”
She may not be a poet, but she is obviously head over heels for him, so I thought I’d play cupid and give him the message.
Dominick (The Dick) Calvetti told me once again to ignore all messages women leave for him.
He’s a cruel bastard with a gorgeous face and rock hard abs. I imagine he has those. He’s 6’3” and works out every morning. He has to be built under those suits, right? I know that the nickname I gave him is based on his attitude, but I sometimes wonder if it “fits” in other ways if you know what I mean. Even if it does, I still loathe him. He’s the worst boss on both sides of the Mississippi.
I attached a picture of the lingerie I bought for my date tonight. I snapped a selfie in the mirror this morning since you were still asleep.
Let me know what you think, roomie.
P.S. Tomorrow we’re getting you a new phone. I miss texting. Emailing is for old people like The Dick.
Subject: Re: The Dick
Thank you for your email.
I hardly think 34 is considered old, and for the record, I’m 6’4”.
Details matter. Sending an email to the intended recipient matters more, especially when you include a sensitive image exposing so much of your body.
Also, cancel your date, as you will now be working late tonight.
And report to my office. Immediately.
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